"A good marriage appears boring on the outside."

Marriages are just like every other interpersonal relationship -- unique. I can't write about marriage in general, but I can write about mine (the little that I know). I have been married for over 15 months, which I have now discovered to be nothing! Strangely enough, I think I can honestly say that I "knew" more about being married before I was married than I do now. I am not even sure if anyone ever truly knows what it means to be married.  My grandparents (coming up on 50 years!) told me over Christmas that marriage is very much a dynamic process; you are never done learning.  My grandmother is still finding out things that she never knew about her husband!

Everyone thinks they know what marriage will be like -- I know I did.  I spun my practicality through my misconceived idea saying, "Oh, I don't really know much, but I do know that marriage will have ups and downs. Marriage will be frustrating.  I'll be mad when he doesn't unstack the dishwasher and when he leaves the toilet seat up.  But, I'll look past it and love him in spite of it."   I think one of the biggest revelations I've had (the first of many, I'm sure) is that marriage is not me putting up with a frustrating husband, instead marriage is me trying not to be that frustrating wife.  I wrongly assumed that marriage is all about tolerating and embracing the other one's faults.  It's much easier (and healthier) to change yourself than to change the other person.

The idea of change in a marriage was tricky for me.  Are you supposed to change?  Are you not? How does your relationship change?  Is there such a thing as being too comfortable?  A lot of things changed after Matt and I were married, but I've found that change is not a bad word at all. Even though we are married, both of us will still be constantly discovering who we are as individuals and as a couple, for I've found that it's not always that people change necessarily, it's that they are discovering and accepting who they truly are. I am not the same person a year ago and I won't be the same in another year.  I think the key might be to make sure that I just don't put him in a box declaring that I know who he REALLY is, for if I do that I stop learning and trying and discovering all that I could about my husband and my best friend. I would end the potentiality of our relationship.

Getting back to the title quote (I won't tell you I heard it on Bones because that would probably destroy my pseudo-credibility) ...  I love my marriage.  I love coming home to a place that Matthew and I have created together.  In our relationship, comfort works.  In fact, comfort more than works -- that's what helps to sustain us. Now, I'm not saying that I am ready to rest on my laureates and that I'm done -- quite the opposite.  Creating a place where we both feel comfortable takes being in tune with one another and the willingness to work.  Creating a comfortable life that we love takes a lot of work!  I had assumed that comfort was the same as compliance, status quo, or even laziness.  Quite thoroughly the opposite with us; without constant communication and the willingness to be flexible our home would not be the same.

To make a marriage work, you have to put it first in your own life. And sometimes, that makes you look like a very boring person.

Move over, Martha Stewart!

Just kidding.  I wouldn't dream of competing with "Lady Martha Macaroni".  But in all seriousness, I actually completed my key hook picture frame on Saturday night! (See my previous post)

Matthew and I decided to go visit some of the little antique and decor shops in Vienna yesterday, and this is the result of all that wandering! One project down, 90 million to go.



And speaking of projects, the end of classes is approaching very quickly and that means I need to whip out a crack-ton of papers.  (Don't ask me how many a crack-ton is; it's seriously immeasurable.)

Forget Spring Cleaning ...

My husband and I have fallen in love with home stores -- Pottery Barn, West Elm, Restoration Hardware, Crate and Barrow, and of COURSE Ikea. (Don't tell him I said that, he'll deny it until he dies.) It doesn't really help that most of these stores are within 2 miles of our home ... le sigh. Since we have so many things around the house that need updating and so many other things that we just LIKE, we needed to start creating a list. Sooo, here it is. The List. (Or more accurately The [Evolving] List.)

1. First off, lamps. We need new lamps all over the house, especially since there is almost no overhead lighting. This will be a big purchase for two reasons: one, they're expensive and two, they're hard to find. Pretty lamps, within a reasonable budget, that a couple can agree almost don't exist.

2. Slipcovers. This is the next big step--mostly because I will probably have to pull out my sewing "skillz" in order to get what I want (for the price I want). I'll probably model them after these loose slipcovers from Pottery Barn. After I have our couches renovated, I can start with the littler (and cheaper!) details, like pillows! I have two crocheted squares that I can transform into pillow covers, but then I'd also like to add some edgier details like these pillows from Z gallerie or Pottery Barn. (DONE!)

3. Hooks (for keys and otherwise). Currently, we have three rather hideous nails in our entryway used to hang up our keys. Another summer project will be to create a pretty key hook. Real Simple gave me an excellent idea using an old picture frame! There is also NOTHING to hang pot holders/rags/etc. in our kitchen. I found this idea from Design Sponge! How adorable would are those? (DONE!)

4. TV Stand or a new China Cabinet. Currently, our poor (old) TV sits on an (older) microwave stand. We have two options: Buy a china cabinet to house our china and use the current hutch for it's proper use -- a TV stand. ORR, we could just buy a TV cupboard. **UPDATE: This has been somewhat accomplished?  We threw away the microwave stand, if that counts. 

5. Another project is to update our linens. All of them -- kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, dining room, etc. Lucky for me Kate, my mother-in-law, works at JC Penney's and get great deals on a lot of those. I highly recommend the Pure Perfection Towels from Penney's. They are made from clouds -- so soft and fluffy! (DONE!)

6. Dining Room Chairs. I'm thankful that we didn't have to pay for our table, and while it's not gorgeous, it is big. Besides, we have these wonderful things called table cloths. What we need is different chairs. I don't care if they match, I just want them to be cheap.

7. I'd also like to transform my porch into a welcoming and beautiful place. Right now, it is ridiculously utilitarian with NO greens. I'd like to put out a few brightly colored pots (like these ones from Anthropologie and Crate and Barrel) filled with plants that are very easy to maintain. My goal is to also have a small herb garden. (DONE!)


I have a long and empty summer ahead of me, so maybe I will be able to start transforming my home soon! I'm not sure if I'm more excited about the small detail like these adorable measuring cups or tackling the BIG projects. Either way, it's going to be a long, slow process that's never actually done!