I was cleaning my apartment earlier, and I stumbled across this strange notebook hiding under the couch. Apparently my cat had chosen to study my husband and I for her field research. I have copied an excerpt below.
A Thorough Study of Ailurophilic Humans as Perceived by a House Cat:
A Scientific and Objective Approach to the Bipedal Way of Life
I watched those clickety-clackers dance back and forth for over an hour before I discovered what it was named. I believe The Female calls it "Knitting". Again, with those opposable thumb. What an impressive evolutionary achievement (*note -- see if those appendages grew to compensate for their seemingly lower intelligence and diminsished agility). As I watched her carefully, I decided to test what happens when I disrupt the rhythm of her pattern. Patiently, I calculated and performed some energetic pounces and "accidentally" became entangled in the yarn. I was most surprised at her response. The Human untangled me and patted me on the head. That must mean some sort of affection? Strangely, when The Male sat on the yarn, she punished him with loud shrieks and harsh tones.
Later on in the evening, I was ill again. The Humans* keep giving me this strange sort of substance they call "kibble". It doesn't set well on my delicate palate, but until I learn their language I'll just have to make do with what I'm given.
* This is their preferred self-description. I will still continue to refer to them as "Bipeds" or "Two-Legged" so as to avoid confusion.
Journal Entry December 23rd, 2011
Bizarre behavior from the Two-Legged -- They both rushed around like mad and then left the house shouting strange phrases like, "Where are my socks?" and "We need to beat traffic!" I have learned that the word, "traffic" is a terrible curse word in the Human vocabulary. It is also something that these two fear above almost anything else.
Journal Entry December 24th, 2011
Both of The Bipeds are back, however the two of them are busy redecorating their cave. I mentioned previously that they spent a great deal of time covering boxes with brightly colored paper a few weeks ago. Now, they are ripping all of it off the boxes and making bizarre squealing sounds. I believe this is the human emotion "excitement". More details on this strange ritual are in my field notes -- Vol. 3, p. 78.
Journal Entry December 25th, 2011
Both humans slept later than usual today. When they awoke, they greeted me with two new salutations, "Merry Christmas" and "Joyous Late Solstice". I believe I interpreted both correctly. According to my recent research, Christmas is a holiday celebrated by many people near the end of one of their calendar years. A common custom is the exchange of gifts. In a touching gesture, I was given a giant, red "stocking" filled with gifts. (*Note to self: research the meaning of "stocking" and discover its purpose.)
As an update to a question I noted on June 15th, 2011: Sally IS the name they have given to me, not the name of all cats.
